What Are You Waiting For?: The Initiative Struggle

Sometimes I find myself being too patient. I wait around, expecting all these amazing opportunities and people to pop into my life. Going into college, that was my outlook as well. I had been expecting people to come up to me on the pathway, or for friends to be made just by circumstance. That's not how it always is.

A lot of times, I feel like we focus so much on the waiting part of faith. Obviously it's so important, God wants us to be able to wait and be still, to trust in him, in his plans and let him lead us. But trusting in God doesn't have to mean that we don't participate. 

I became so comfortable with my loneliness. I became used to sitting back and waiting. I accepted the feeling of waiting for someone to come into my life. There were so many ways in which I needed to grow, yet I didn't seek out that growth. Sometimes I forget that I can impact others. I forget that God can use me, and will. I find myself feeling so small, so inferior to God's plans. It's so important to remember that your words, actions, and deeds may impact someone in ways you never thought. 

Halfway through my freshman year, I felt lonely. I felt empty and didn't really know where I fit into the community. That's a scary thought in college, one that seems even more lonely because "how in the WORLD can I be lonely when I'm constantly surrounded by thousands of people?" But maybe it was because I wasn't seeking out the relationships that God meant for me. Maybe I wasn't actually following His intentions. So I started to go out of my way to meet people, to go beyond the first impression. I focused more energy on serving my peers, going out of my way to talk to people when they needed it, praying for people, asking people how they were and actually having intention behind the question. I'd become so busy in my own worrying, planning, scheduling, and hadn't focused on how I was contributing to those around me. 

I've always felt so strongly that the most important thing is to project Christ through yourself. There's a quote out there by Roald Dahl that says "A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely." I feel that way about my faith. Let it shine out of me, let it transform me into something beautiful. Let everyone notice, because why would something so beautiful ever need to be hidden? And when I'm doing that, being intentional with others comes along with it.

Seek God, but don't always wait for Him to lead you to someone. Go there yourself. Jesus didn't cower in the corner and think for 15 minutes if he should or shouldn't talk to the woman at the well.  (John 4:1-42) He just did it. He knew she needed his words, He knew she was looking for something greater, some hope. And her face probably lit up when He showed her the immense love and care that He did. I strive to do that for other people. To show them that "Yeah, you belong here. You have a place, you have a home, and I care." 

So I've learned to fill people up, to go out and seek relationship. To prepare my heart to be received by others. I've had to let go of setting up expectations, to never set standards for the people around me. I've learned to be a servant, and never forget about those good thoughts. Most importantly, I've learned to let joy shine out of me like sunbeams. 

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